The Sneira Virus
by Mediocre Skullduggery
Summary: A story of a tall angry man, a tiny (also angry) obnoxious woman & how they took like 45 eons to fall in love. Can be read as a cohesive narrative or a series of one shots & still valid. Rated M for certain sections but those will be marked as such & announced in the introductory author's note. Takes place pre & during Trio Years. Not quite a slow burn but. Fuckin' Slytherins, man.
1. Not A Nightmare (For Now)

**A/N Yes. It is I, Zacc Attac, bringing you more of my obnoxious ship propaganda. Here is a love story of two dumb ass Slytherins that are still pretending to not be in love. Idiots, the pair of them.**

* * *

**Prompt: **_What do you mean the annoying ass former Quidditch Captain from my year who was low-key my best friend is coming to work here? Without telling **me**? She better not expose my likeable qualities._

**Summary:** Severus Snape is not taking the identity of the Professor of Hogwart's newest class very well at all. But then he gets over himself.

* * *

Severus Snape couldn't help but feel there was _something_ the Headmaster was **AVOIDING** when he announced the fact that there would be a new optional class added to the Hogwarts curriculum.

In fact, he noticed Minerva McGonagall in particular avoided eye contact with **HIM **the entire meeting and he was starting to become increasingly _suspicious_ although his tone is **NEUTRAL** when he asks his question he is **GLOWERING** at Dumbledore.

**"**And **WHAT** is the subject matter of  
this new class_?_**"**

**"**Supernatural Creature Consciousness.  
I'm quite sure everyone remembers Vladimir  
Winchester.  
Ever since he's left our school he's been working  
for better relationships and communications between  
Muggles, wizards, and non-human sentient creatures  
alike.  
Although the class won't be officially part of the curriculum  
until next near due to the Vampire Council's paperwork proc-**"**

Suddenly the young man's eyebrows shoot upwards as he interrupts the older wizard in an _icy_ tone that causes the rest of the faculty to shift _nervously_. He **REMEMBERED** Vladimir Winchester. A bouncy excitable black haired boy in his year, who'd offered him a very NICE drawing of himself once. Winchester had always been attached to **ONE** more person he remembered all **TOO** vividly & who's FATHER sat on the Vampire Council.

**"**Vampire Council_?_  
And **WHO** is teaching the class_?_**"** he asked Minerva **KNOWING** she damn well **_knew_**.

**"**Well there were very **FEW** candidates  
and only **ONE** had actually taken all of  
the Council's qualification classes necessary  
for the curriculum-**"**

**"_Who_**_?_**"**

**"**I hardly see how _that_ is-**"**

He turned from his colleague, knowing **SHE** was utterly _useless_, his dark eyes **PIERCING** into Dumbledore's (_not quite twinkling_) blues again.

**"**Albus.  
I will ask **EXACTLY** once again.**"**

**"**Keira Black,**"** he finally sighed, sounding near **REGRETFUL**.

The room goes _silent_. Everyone remembered Severus' various struggles with the minuscule former Quidditch Captain, how much they'd **BICKERED** in the hallways **_&_** how **OFTEN** he'd stormed from the Great Hall because of she & his twin sister's blatant **TORMENT** of him and if the shade of quickly pink colouring his face was anything to go by _so did he_. _**(**_Unbeknownst to them all, she'd actually been his best **FRIEND** but he was **ANGRY** with her for an unrelated reason.**_)_**

**"**I would ask if yer all jokin'  
but that's too **FUCKIN**' good  
to be true, innit_?_**"** he snapped, inspecting his nails with a brittle nonchalance that the people sitting closest to him saw straight through **_&_** quickly moved away from just as he stood so quickly his seat **_CLATTERED_** to the floor.

**"**Keira bloody Black_?!_  
**NONE** of ya know 'er li'e  
I do _**&**_ tha's understandable!  
But ye **ALL** fockin' remember 'er!  
'ave you **ALL** forgotten what a **FUCKIN**' _cunt_  
she is?!**"**

A deep breath is pulled in as he quells his rage _**just**_ enough to grind the _Cokesworth_ out of his voice again.

**"**Just **HOW** long did you think I'd  
be blissfully unaware of her presence?!  
Did you **ALL** honestly think I'd react  
**PEACEFULLY** to this_?!_**"** he spat, slamming his fist against the table so **HARD,** his knuckle left a dent and the splintered wood drew **BLOOD** in vengeance.

**"**Severus, my boy.  
**CALM** down,**"** Albus insisted, wide eyed as his former double agent's eyes **FLASHED** cobalt briefly in his rage, causing him to falter in his effort to reach out **_&_** place a soothing hand of the 26 year old's **HEAVING** left shoulder.

**"**Oh I'll calm down, alright.  
I'll **"**calm down**"** when _you approve the  
**RESIGNATION** I'll be leaving in the  
morning,_**"** he hissed, turning and billowing out of the room.

**"**So **WHO'S** going to tell him she's  
quartering in the dungeons as well  
& she's due to arrive **TONIGHT**?**"** Flitwick squeaked hoarsely after the Potions Master's stormy exit. **_(_**Of course not one other staff member moved to relay this fact. They were quite **FOND** of jars of newt entrails affirmily place on storage shelves **_&_** not narrowing **MISSING** breaking over the top of their heads while Severus Snape hissed incoherent insults_ in Spanish_ at them._**)**_

* * *

The already disgruntled wizard was awoken by various **BUMPING** noises in the dungeon's hall and with a low growl he stalked out of his bed, scratching at his bare **_(_**rather hairy_**)**_ chest in **IRRITATION** as a flick of his wand opened the door and sent the absolute **LAST _(_**living**_)_** person he wanted to see on Earth falling backwards into his private quarters and it's a wonder he still had the **DECENCY** to catch the slightly older Slytherin by the collar of her still pristine leather jacket **BEFORE** her head hit the floor.

Forest green eyes that hadn't been quite so _iridescent_ the last time he'd seen Keira Black _this_ close **_(_**Nine years ago and breathing heavily under an enchanted mistletoe at her parent's house to be exact_**)**_ land on his crimson underwear and her head tilted as she's swiftly righted and released from his grip.

**"**Never really took you for  
a red boxer bloke,**"** she finally commented, her nonchalant shrug not even **SLIGHTLY** hinting to the fact she thought the contrast again his stark pale skin was **DELIGHTFUL**.

His arms fold tightly over his broad exposed chest, as he **REFUSED** to let the dungeon chill prevent him from **SNARKING** her.

**"**They are **NOT** _red_.  
Why are you making so much _noise_  
at eleven bloody thirty at night?**"**

She scratched her head slightly embarrassed, though her eyes instinctively rolled at his **_dramatics_**.

"Fine.  
_**Blood orange**_.  
Uh, I uh.  
I _couldn't_ move my last box.  
Least not without vampire strength  
or magic both of which I lack the  
power reserves for right now,  
I'm sorry.  
Didn't mean to wake you, Se-  
Bitch, are you **_alright _**over there_?_**"**

Her inquiry was made in **_absolute_** seriousness because his arms had unfolded, his eyes widened and jaw dropped. His incredulous stare as his arms hung limply at his sides was causing her the beginnings of a slow discreet stepping away until he'd found his voice once more.

_"_You're _**apologising**?**  
**_To _me?"_

**"**Severus what the **FUCK**_?_  
I've apologised to you before.  
Sometimes _**five**_ times in one bloody  
sitting.  
Oh by Eros' bow...  
You...  
You have _brain damage_ from  
working with children all day  
for so long **DON'T** you_?_**"**

"I…" he shook his head quite **SURE** this entire exchange was a bizarre product of his unconscious mind. Since he was sure he was dreaming (he couldn't quite claim this was a _nightmare_, she looked rather... _Lovely_; in fact he could see some new tattoos**_ &_** piercings; there was a **GLOW**, a renewed **FEROCITY** bleeding from her aura, her very _core_ that seemed to make her more than simply tolerable company in **SPITE** of the current **GRUDGE** he was holding against her**_)_** he might as well end it on a **PLEASANT** note.

**"**You said you couldn't move a box.  
Where is it?  
The more quickly I assist you  
the faster I can go back to sleep  
without fear of you cracking your  
skull open the _second_ I  
close this door.**"**

She immediately glanced at his bicep **_(_**which he **NOTICED _&_** was **ANNOYED** by**_)_** before taking his elbow **_(_**her touch was so **LIGHT** but warm, had she **ALWAYS** smelled like vanilla _**&**_ campfire ashes_?_ Had he always been so frustratingly **AWARE** of it_?**)**_ and leading him into the hallway, pointing at the box. It didn't **LOOK** as heavy as it turned out to be but he's rather be mauled to death by Niffler's than admit that to her that as he followed her down the hall to an office that was of **COURSE** located a _mere_ two abandoned classrooms & one still slightly sticky _**&**_ sealed off Potion's lab from his.

He wordlessly set down the box and glanced back at the woman twisting the ends of her naturally silver hair between her fingers as he had a sudden epiphany.

**_"_**Black?**"**

**"**Yes, **_Snape_**_?_**"**

**"**This isn't a **DREAM**, is it?**"**

**"**That assessment of your current  
plane of reality would be correct,  
yes.**"**

**"**I **JUST** moved a box for you in my  
underwear, thus making myself look  
like a **FOOL** for the first time since you've  
seen me in nine years as well_?_**"**

Keira nodded her head, before patting him on the back, causing him to suddenly not feel the chill of the dungeons so **KEENLY**.

**"**Ay _si._  
But fret not.  
You already look like you've  
been through the ringer today **&**  
I appreciate you moving the box **FAR**  
too much to tell anyone about this.**"**

**"**Who _are_ you?**"**

**"**Well 'cept Sevina, she'll get a **KICK**  
outta **THIS** shit_!_**"**

**"**.. Fuck you, Black,**"** he grunted, turning **&** stalking from the room.

* * *

**A/N This is only the beginning of a long line of sin, shenanigans & outright emotional ignorance that will go on for years between two "colleagues" & "just friends". Prepare your tender (or rough I don't know what ur spirits r like) souls for the ride.**


	2. The Sitting Game

**Prompt: **Jesus Christ every time I see her she looks beautiful and powerful **_&_** I adore her. And- **NO! SHE ABANDONED ME I HATE HER! _WHY_ ARE THE ONLY AVAILABLE SEATS ALWAYS NEXT TO HER**_!_

**Summary: **Someone seems to _forget_ that he's not the most feared Hogwarts staff member any longer.

* * *

The first time Severus was stubborn about it. The very minute he walked in**_ &_** noticed the _only_ open seats were on either side of **_HER_** he stood the **ENTIRE** two hours, arms haughtily folded as he leaned against the wall.

**'**_I may not be **resigning** but there's  
**NO** way in Hell I'm sitting next to her.  
It's only one meeting.  
I can handle it_,**'** he thought bitterly as he **GLARED** at the natural silver locks in front of him.

The second time he strolled in he actually took a moment to actually **LOOK** around before huffing. **THAT** was when he noticed that everyone in the room seemed to be slightly inclining themselves **AWAY** from the woman that had invested herself in taking notes on every important thing said as she occasionally tapped her teeth against the spider bite piercings at the right side of her mouth gently.

His right eyebrow rose as he suddenly realised **WHY** no one else was sitting next to her.

**'**_They're willing to risk my ire  
because they all hate __**HER  
**__more than they hate __**ME**_.**'**

**'**_Wouldn't call it __**HATE**__, particularly.  
They've just noticed the **CHANGE**.  
Makes them a bit uneasy._**'**

He startled at the sound of her voice in his mind. He'd **FORGOTTEN** she could project her thoughts.

**'**_Change?  
You mean your eyes?  
They're _**MILDLY**_ unnerving  
at times but I didn't think they  
would take it so _**FAR**_._**'**

**'**_No.  
It is not my _**EYES**_, Severus  
I'll talk to you about it later.  
I actually _**INTEND**_ to pay attention  
during this staff meeting._**'**

His brows furrowed **_&_** he was more curious than it pleased him to admit as he **BEGRUDGINGLY** sat down next to her much to everyone else's surprise.

**'**_Fine.  
It had better be _**INTERESTING**_._**'**

The semi-transparent eyes in question **ROLL** at him before she tucks a stray lock of silvery hair behind her ear, crossing her legs as her lips pursed in response to a proposal that Severus **WASN'T** paying attention to.

At the meeting's end she is initially **CONFUSED** as to why her short tempered colleague is trailing after her until she remembered their short telepathic discussion **_&_** even then the sound of him stalking behind her sends an **ODD** tingle up her spine and she can't fathom **WHY**. Well **PERHAPS** she could but that was **RIDICULOUS**. He was her** BEST FRIEND**.

**'**_Oh, Gods.  
You can't __**STILL **__possibly  
be feeling butterflies from  
that **STUPID** kiss.  
You were nineteen and it was  
a stupid prank that Vina **&** Mum  
planned cause they knew you had  
a crush._**'**

It had been **MORE** than a crush, she **KNEW** that but she **ALSO** knew he was able to **HEAR** her foremost thoughts **_&_** she would **NOT** be vulnerable to his **TEASING** her for **AMUSEMENT**.

**'**_A **CRUSH**, hm?  
Do you still feel those **TINY**  
knees of yours **WEAKEN** when  
I'm around.  
I would oh so **HATE** to fluster  
you, Keira._**'**

_**(**_His thought was taunting, teasing of course but the more he **LOOKED** at her the more he began to realise just how **ATTRACTIVE** she was. There was **POWER** in her stride, she walked with **CONFIDENCE** but the sway of her hips was still **ENTICING** enough to make a weaker man's head spin-**_)_**

**'**_Keep out of my mind you **STUPID** bat!_**'**

**"**I **BEG** your **BLOODY** pardon_?_  
Just when I thought you'd _**FINALLY**  
_stopped being an obnoxious crass little  
**BRAT**,**"** he scoffed, leaning against the wall as she unlocked her office door.

**"**You thought **WRONG**, motherfucker.  
_I_ **JUST** know **WHEN** to be professional...  
**UNLIKE **_some_ people,**"** she corrected, **JABBING** a finger into his chest hard enough to make him **COUGH** before striding across the room and taking a seat at her desk.

He glanced around the room, his eyebrows raising as he recognises the box he carried for her first night in the castle with the lid pried off.

**"**Is that-**"**

**"**A dragon skull_?_  
Indeed it is.  
Have a seat,**"** she hummed, pointing at the seat across from her desk.

He follows her instruction, crossing his ankles and gazing at her expectantly.

**"**_WELL?_**"**

**"**I merged my separate magical cores  
resulting in my becoming an even **MORE**  
powerful sorceress.**"**

**"**You did **WHAT**_?!_  
Are you completely fucking  
**INSANE**_?!_**"** he exclaimed, forgetting he was supposed to be **MAD** at her.

**"**Aw you.  
Look at how **CONCERNED**  
you are.  
How **SWEET** of you.**"**

**"**I am **NOT**.  
I was just considering how  
**DISTRAUGHT **my siblings would  
be if you brought about your own  
demise with your own stupidity.**"**

Keira smirked because his utterly biting response was given just a bit **_too_** quickly.

**"**Liar.  
You **LOVE** me.**"**

**"**Do **NOT** flatter yourself  
your **MASSIVE** ego clearly  
needs no **FURTHER** fluffing,**"** he murmured, rolling his eyes.

**"**So if I **KISSED** you again_  
right **NOW **_you would feel  
**ABSOLUTELY** nothing_?_**"** she challenged, making him realise that during the duration of their discussion they'd **BOTH** leaned forward in their seats until they were nearly nose to nose. He was close enough to **COUNT** the freckles across said nose if he'd cared to.

With a blink he leaned back once again and disregarded her question. It was all he **COULD** do to ignore her question, to pretend she wasn't **OPENLY** flirting with him, almost _**(**_very successfully**_)_** **SEDUCING** him if he were to be honest. He **COULDN'T** think of her in that light, that would **CHANGE** things far too **DRASTICALLY**. **_(_**He was **SURE** he'd ruin **EVERYTHING** if given the chance._**)**_

**"**So a now near all powerful dark  
**SORCERESS...**  
That can't use magic_?_**"**

**"**Well I **WAS** able to.  
But the war on Heaven threw a _surprise_  
twist at me.  
The archangels carved a glyph **INTO** me.  
Apparently celestial metal drains magic.  
But Michael says it's temporary and the  
stasis on my powers'll break once the glyph  
weakens.**"**

**"**Michael.  
As in the **ARCHANGEL**  
Michael?**"**

_**(**_Part of him wanted to ask **WHY _&_** **HOW** she'd gotten into a **WAR** with Heaven why the Almighty **_&_** Company themselves had a bone to pick with **HER** of all people but honestly her fighting a war with God was more comfortable territory than the thought of her **WANTING** him to shove his tongue down her throat again. Not that he **WOULD** mind it, he would **GREATLY** enjoy leaving her flustered **_&_** slightly **SHIVERING** once ag-**_)_**

**"**The very same.  
He's my grandfather on Mum's side.  
I'm lucky he stopped the glyphing  
process when he did.  
They seemed like they **WEREN'T** going to stop-  
**_SEVERUS_**_?_**"**

He hadn't noticed his fingers **DIGGING** into the wood of the desk in front of him, how much he was **SHAKING** as she casually spoke about being tortured. He could feel **ANGER** burning in his chest like the **FIRE** she was so **FOND** of.

She blinked at him, her head tilting as she reached out, her small hand's touch **GENTLE** as she laid it atop his much larger one.

**"SAY** something, please.**"**

**"**How can you speak about it  
as if it's **NOTHING**_?_**"** he hissed through gritted teeth as he looked up at her, more **CONFUSED** than upset with her. He was upset with **HER** at all, he knew that. He was upset that he hadn't **KNOWN** about it until now, upset he'd let his **VENDETTA** over her falling out of contact with him **CLOUD** the fact that she was one of the **ONLY** people who'd stood by his side in some of his life's darkest**_ &_ **most **ABHORRENT** moments.

**"**How **ELSE** can I , Severus_?_  
I did **NOT** fight that war for  
only **MYSELF**...  
If harm only came to me**_ &_**  
spared **COUNTLESS** others I-**"**

**"**You're a **FOOL**.  
You're worth FAR more  
than your **PRECIOUS**  
countless others,**"** he cut in, **RESISTING** the urge to **STAND_ &_ **shake some **SENSE** into her moronic head.

**"**_No_.  
I'm not,**"** she replied flatly.

**"**...Is there anything **_ELSE _**that's changed  
since I've seen you last_?_**"** he sighed finally, hoping she wouldn't say anything **ELSE** to raise his blood pressure.

She grinned pulling the sleeve of her right arm back, revealing a wriggling black serpent with its fangs buried in a bright red apple.

**"**I'm the Queen of Hell now.**"**

**"**When you say Hell-**"**

**"YEP**.  
Lucifer's place.**"**

**"**Well, being the literal Devil **SUITS**  
you.  
Even if you're probably too **SHORT**  
to legitimately qualify.**"**

**"**Fuck off, Severus,**"** she snorted, pulling her sleeve back into place.

The third time he has no hesitation when he slid into the chair at her left.

* * *

**A/N Yeah. He DOES care.**


End file.
